6 Years Ago Today

Six years ago today I became the member of a club I never expected to join nor ever wanted to. I was inducted into the "Mother of a Child with Cancer" Club. No one asked me if I wanted to join it was just one minute I wasn't in and the next minute I was. And here I will stay forever.

Six years ago today Connor, at the age of 33 months, was flown up to Children's Hospital of Iowa and diagnosed with Leukemia. I can still remember the sounds of the monitors he was hooked up to making sure that all of his organs weren't shutting down, that he was getting enough oxygen, etc... I remember the smell of that room, that floor(The 3 JCW Hilton as we started calling it). I remember where everyone was sitting and/or standing when we were told, I remember the way Dr. DiPaola's lanyard was hanging around his neck. Most of all I remember the cold chill that went down my spine as soon as he told us, it was immediate. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak, I couldn't move but most of all I couldn't believe that my son had cancer. I just knew he was going to die. Of course over the next week we were in daily conferences for hours on end learning EVERYTHING we had to know to take care of a child who would probably survive the cancer but if he got a sore on his bottom or chicken pox he could very well die from that.

Now, 6 years later Connor is alive. He beat that monster after 40 long months of treatment. I still can't stand seeing bruises on his tall skinny body, panic at every bloody nose, and want to rush him to the blood lab whenever he says he is tired with a headache(I haven't yet though). He woke up this morning with a massive bloody nose at 4:30- not the way I would have liked to start this particular day but I guess it is just another test.

Today I am very grateful that my son is alive. I am hopeful for his future, and I treasure every time I hear him take a breath, tell me he loves me, hugs his brother and sister, and shows me yet another lego ship he has made. He's here with me today and that is a reason to celebrate. I will always fear what could happen, I don't have control over that and not having control is NOT an easy thing for me but the future will be what it will be.
Hug your children today and if you aren't in my club I am both jealous of you and so very happy for you. If you are in my club you know exactly how I feel today. For those of you who will become members I am very sorry but know you aren't alone.

Amy

Have You Ever...

...wished you were a cat?